Quotes
“Now is the accepted time to make your regular, annual, good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”
“The lack of money is the root of all evil.”
“A sin takes on a new and real terror when there seems a chance that it is going to be found out.”
“All you need is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.”
“The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.”
“Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.”
“Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.”
“We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don’t know anything and can’t read.”
“When in doubt, tell the truth.”
“Always do right. That will gratify some of the people, and astonish the rest.”
“Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.”
“The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.”
“Where prejudice exists it always discolors our thoughts.”
“I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.”
“An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency.”
“Comedy keeps the heart sweet.”
“Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can.”
“I learned long ago never to say the obvious thing, but leave the obvious thing to commonplace and inexperienced people to say.”
“Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned.”
“It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.”
“Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.”
“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.”
“The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.”